Blog contains mature content(or immature content, as the case may be.) Please do not read any more if you are easily offended or have a weak heart. Yes, there are some bad words below and extremely shocking content.
You've been warned.
It all started Sunday morning when we were getting ready for church when my son said, "I'm not going to church."
I informed him that, indeed, he was going.
"I'm bringing my game boy then."
I informed him that he was not.
He informed me he was and cut his eyes to me to see what my reaction was.
I laughed. His defiance was...funny. Absurd even. Does this six year old DARE to defy ME, his MOTHER!?
We made it through without the game boy leaving the house.
Monday happens and we obtain another game for the game boy. As this son of mine is reaching into the bag, he says quite matter-of-factly, "Where the hell's my game?"
Luckily, I was not driving at the time though I WAS sitting behind the wheel of the car.
My head whipped around. "WHAT DID YOU SAY?" I felt like the bus driver woman with the bird nest in her hair on SouthPark. (Let me give a disclaimer here. I haven't seen SouthPark in a very long time. It's one of those "mature content" cartoons that should actually be called "immature content for adults.")
His look couldn't have been more innocent. "I said, "Where's my game?"
"That's NOT what you said."
"Yes, it was."
"No, it wasn't. Where did you hear that?"
"Hear what? 'Where the hell's my game?'?"
"Yes! Where did you hear that?"
"WHAT??!! I have NEVER said that!" Had I? I didn't think so. First of all, I don't lose my games very often because I don't have any games to lose. Second of all, if I've ever said "hell" in front of this child, it was most likely, "What the HELL?!" but it WASN'T because the worst thing they've heard me say is "shut up" and "butt" as in "Don't say 'shut up'. We don't say that in this house" or "Stop saying 'I'll kick your butt to Pizza Hut.' We don't say that in this house" to which the response usually is, "You just said it, Mom." I haven't come up with a good reply to that one except "I don't want to hear it again. Understand?!"
I found out today the Pizza Hut phrase was learned at Daycare. I'm pretty sure "hell" was as well as it was said after picking this child up from Daycare. And, guess what? The education there comes at no EXTRA charge.
In some perverted part of my brain, though, I was proud that he had used the word appropriately in the sentence. He knew exactly where to insert "the hell". Impressive, but in a disturbing sort of way. Disturbing because he is six. Even more disturbing because he is MY six year old.
Ah, the end of innocence. My sweet baby had graduated to expressing himself with vulgar expressions and using certain slang not only as interjections, but as particles or intensifiers, as in "Where the hell did you hear that?!"