It was my...er...pleasure to chaperon a dance at the elementary school where my children attend. This dance is sponsored by the patrol. It's a fund raiser so that the sixth grader patrol kids can to to Washington, D.C. in the Spring.
I walked into the cafeteria/gym just after six o'clock and reported to the patrol leader guy whose name is Mr. Something. He isn't the gym teacher, but he wears those gym teacher shorts sometimes. You know the ones I'm talking about. I'm pretty sure they're polyester.
When Mr. Patrol Guy asked me about chaperoning a dance, I had made the stipulation that I'd only do it if they played 70's and 80's music. He laughed like I was joking. But, you know, if he wants a good fundraiser, why not have a dance with 80's music and invite the parents? I'd go. The only problem I see with my idea is I'm about ten years older than most of the other parents. No way am I going to go to a dance that's playing the Spice Girls.
I let him believe I was joking and decided to go ahead and chaperon in the name of civic duty. After all, these patrol officers are sort of like the police of the school. They have the authority to stop pedestrians at the cross walk and often do! What's really funny is when they stop a jogger. The jogger will put up with it for maybe three seconds, then start jogging forward. Without exception every kid I've ever seen this happen to will start motioning the jogger forward like it was their idea for the jogger to come on anyway, and to heck with that big freakin' cheese wagon that's pulling out of the parking lot.
But, I digress.
The dance:
My assignment was guarding the girls' bathroom. According to Mr. P.G., the girls like to congregate in the bathroom. I was not to let that happen. The girls were to use the facilities, preferably alone, then exit the bathroom and return to the cafeteria/gym. I was also to keep watch in the hall between the gym and the bathroom and put a halt to 1) running, 2) rough housing, 3) lolly gagging, and 4) generalized foolishness. I took my job quite seriously, and I'm happy to report I only had to tackle one kid when he refused to slow down after my third warning.
The music wasn't as bad as I feared. However, I have had my fill musically of High School Musical 2 and Miley Cyrus, as lovely as these young people are. They absolutely cannot hold a candle to Abba.
